An Illusion of Feeling Left Behind

Everyone is moving so fast. Towards their own goals. A career. Building a family. Higher education. Or perhaps, types of success I might never know or be able to define. It's like everyone else is riding the fastest train, while I'm pedaling my bike. Oh, I forgot, I can't ride a bike. I never fully learned to ride one. I might still be able to run, but can I catch up with them all? As all of these things flashed across my social media feed, I suddenly cried. No, it wasn't because I was jealous of everything others had achieved. I just... felt left behind. I was worried about falling further behind. Have you ever felt that way? I believe life isn't a race. But that doesn't prevent what I'm feeling now. This feeling also won't go away instantly, no matter how much I keep reminding myself of that quote. Seneca once said, "We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." Maybe it's true, I'm exaggerating. I might not be suffering that badly. I still have enjoyable things in life. Many psychology books have explained how I feel. Evolutionarily, the human brain remembers threats more easily than successes. Undeniably, the pursuit of happiness sometimes leads to more suffering.

I hope this is an illusion. My feelings are lying to me. As I write this, I also hope I can run with a steady pace. As long as I know my destination, let them reach theirs on the fastest train they can ride. I just need to know my destination and feel content "living as myself."

Baca Juga: Why are We so Afraid of Taking a Long Break?